My birth certificate reads “Jessica Holmes” it hasn’t always, but if you would have asked me during the first twelve years have my life I would of told you that had always been my name. I was adopted as a baby; now at age twenty-four I am meeting my birth parents.

My shiny silver Infinity is keeping me warm and safe from the outside world. The brutal Chicago winter is cold but perfect. The city is painted white, the snow glistens from the sun shining down on it. Next to me in the warm car is my husband, Joe. We sat side by side so quietly we could hear the tiny white snowflake hitting the windshield and the children down the street sledding down the neighborhood hill. I looked at the clock it read 12:16, time was going by too fast and I was getting more and more nervous. Butterflies started to fill my stomach and thoughts raced through my mind. My head went back to almost thirteen years ago, to the day I was told I was adopted.
“Jessica, we need to talk with you for a moment” my dad had said to me in a tone that would scare any twelve year old. Staring at him with an emotionless expression I nodded my head yes, asking what he needed. My mom, sitting next to him at our big wooden kitchen table, looked at me and then the seat motionlessly telling me to take a seat, I sat down across from them.
“You know we will always love you and be your parents, right?” My mom started off with. Not knowing where this was going I nodded my head yes again and she continued
“Well Jess we have been wanting to tell you for a while now, but we are not your biological parents. We adopted you a few weeks after you were born.” My face went blank, I sat there as stiff as a tree. Not knowing what to do I got up and ran down the long narrow hallway to the stairs were led me to my bedroom. My mom was calling after me to come back, her tone as sad and hurt as I had ever heard. My dad was comforting her and telling her to just give me space.
Months passed and anger started to build up inside of me. I did understand why a secret so big was hidden for so long. A year passed from when I got the awful news. I was pushing away my loving, sweet, supportive parents. The bright light at the end of the tunnel was nowhere in sight. My mom made the decision to have me go see a therapist, which caused me to become even more angry and upset. I felt unloved and unwanted by my real parents, I wondered why they did not want me. The therapy went on for over a year until I finally started to understand why they had kept my adoption such a big secret and knew that my birth parents did not give me up because they did not love me.
I came back to reality more scared than before. I had wanted this for years but was worried how it would end because of my recently mended relationships with my adopted parents. The years of therapy helped me immensely but the guilt I have felt has been increasing from all the years I lost from being so angry. My mind was racing again; thoughts were going in and out of my head.
“Jess” Joe said startling me, causing me to jump in my seat.
“Yes?” I replied.
“What’s wrong?” he said, Joe knew me better than anyone and could tell whenever something was on my mind. I took in a deep breath and let it out.
“What if they don’t like me, what if I don’t like them, what if we just sit there?” Nervous as could be I couldn’t stop imagining the worst possible outcomes.
“They will love you, you will love them, and you will have plenty to talk about!” Joe said comforting me. Looking back at the clock it read 12:23. My phone rang, it was my mom. I answered.
“Hey it’s me” she said.
“Hi, what’s up?” I replied.
“I just wanted to tell you to not be nervous and to be yourself! They will love you and it will hopefully be the start of a great new relationship” she continued to talk to me. The phone call made the butterflies in my stomach subside and made me so much more confident. I said goodbye to my mom and turned back to Joe.
“It’s time” I said not sure whether I felt more like throwing up, running away, or running inside to finally meet them. Joe nodded and like a gentleman got out of the car and came to open my door. The cold winter air hit me in the face and I shivered. I got out of the car and walked towards the door.
“I’ll be right here if you need anything” Joe called out to me. I shook my head yes, telling him okay and thank you.
I walked inside and gave the hostess my name and asked if a Tracy and Jim had arrived, they hadn’t. She told me she would send them to my table when they got here, I sat and waited. Ten minutes passed and no one. What if they decided they didn't want to come? All of this searching and planning would have been for nothing. Five more minutes passed and then I saw a couple who looked like they were in their fifties starting to approach me. The lady had the same hair as me, dark brown, wavy, and thick. The man had the same olive skin color that I had. This was them, the strangers approached me introducing themselves as Tracy and Jim my stomach turned and my head began to race once again. A few awkward moments past and then I was embraced in a warm comforting hug, the nervousness was gone and the thoughts in my head disappeared. I felt loved and welcomed to begin a new relationship with my birth parents. I had pictured this moment hundreds of different ways but this was even better than I had hoped.