Captivated: that's what she was. Captivated with the perfect blend of notes, sounds, and voices. Captivated with the dynamics, flow, and development of the piece. Captivated with the acoustics in the hall. If she could have, Cecilia would have listened to Daphnis et Chloe forever. She dreamed of playing in a professional orchestra and captivating an audience with beautiful music, in much the same way she was mesmerized in this moment.
*****

Cecilia had been surrounded by music her entire life. As a baby, her father lulled her to sleep every night by singing the alphabet and the days of the week, and whether it was something she made up, or something she had heard, there was always a song playing in her head. Cecilia, being the youngest in her family, grew up listening to concerts performed by her siblings and wanted to perform with them. But she did not like any of their instruments. Piano could be too jarring and harsh, violin too squeaky, and trumpet too blaring. Cecilia longed for an instrument that was flashy, but mellow, one that had many different voices, but was still unique. She wanted to find the instrument that was just right for her.

Being six years old, however, Cecilia had few options. She was unfamiliar with most instruments, apart from piano, violin, and trumpet, and wanted to learn more about other instruments before she selected her own. Cecilia did not want to choose an instrument that she would later lose interest in.

She would lie on the floor and often hum or dance along to the familiar tunes of her father’s vinyl recordings. He claimed that records had a better sound quality than CDs, but really just wanted to show off the speaker system he had built several years earlier. Cecilia was curious about the different pieces he played, and she would ask her father questions about each recording.

"Daddy, what's that instrument?"

"How about that one?"

"Is this one different from the first?"

And although Cecilia's father might have had knowledge of the inner workings of speakers, he could not answer all the questions she had about instrumentation. He didn’t recognize music as several different parts masterfully blended together. He just listened for pleasure. But the more classical pieces he played, the more Cecilia became enthralled with the sounds.

"Can we go look at instruments today? Please?! I want to go look at instruments," Cecilia would say as she began to pester her parents to let her choose one.

One day, Cecilia ventured to the library hoping to look at some music books. She and her mother found several, and as Cecilia paged through one, she caught a glimpse of a flute for the first time. She was fascinated by its silver gleam and long, elegant body. Cecilia could imagine herself playing its shiny, delicate-looking keys, performing a beautiful melody like one she had heard on her father’s stereo.

"This is the perfect instrument for me. I want to play the flute!"

"That's a very nice choice," said her mother. "Why don't we try to look for a teacher?"

"Yay! I'm going to play the flute!" said Cecilia, turning the pages of the book, taking in all she could about this new instrument. However, Cecilia's mother was hesitant to let Cecilia pursue the flute since she assumed that there was a slim chance of finding a flute teacher, and a small possibility that Cecilia would not be able to blow a note. Even still, she discussed the matter with her husband and began to look for a teacher.

Still intrigued by the flute, Cecilia and her mother went to see a performance of The Magic Flute. Cecilia sat and listened to the performance, enchanted by the blend of orchestra and flute. Her ears blocked out the disturbance of her mother talking softly to a stranger. Closing her eyes, Cecilia sat transfixed by the melody of the flute harmonizing with the rest of the orchestra. She imagined she was a bird, soaring above the treetops and into the clouds, gliding gracefully through the air. But this dream lasted only a short while before it was abruptly ended by a tap on her shoulder.

"I might have just found you a flute teacher," said Cecilia's mother.

Ecstatic, Cecilia returned to her fantasy world, soaring even higher than before.
*****

Cecilia had just a single week. Ms. Harper required that all new students be able to blow a sound in one week. Luckily, Cecilia met her requirement. Lessons began. Learning fingerings and playing notes was challenging at first, but Ms. Harper persisted and was thrilled when Cecilia learned three notes. Cecilia, too, was thrilled that she could finally play her first song and perform with her siblings. She dreamed of soaring onto stardom. At age six, Cecilia had just begun her musical career.
*****

Five years later, and it was time for her first audition. Cecilia was finally old enough to audition for a youth orchestra. Nervous, yet excited, she practiced a simple flute sonata and made sure she could play all of the rhythms using good technique. She hoped her accuracy would impress the judges. However, Cecilia was not yet captivated with her own music like she was with others' performances, and consequently, she could not captivate the judges. She might have been able to play all the right notes and rhythms, but the judges recognized her lack of musicality. A week later, Cecilia received her first rejection.

Cecilia was devastated. She had always been told that she was a good flutist. Granted, these comments came from her flute teacher and parents, but Cecilia knew they did not hesitate to tell her when she needed improvement. However, the reason Cecilia could not play musically was because she did not tell herself to improve. It was only when others said that something did not sound good that she worked harder. Cecilia did not yet follow her own musical instincts and lost confidence in her abilities. She was disappointed that she could not make it into the orchestra and considered herself a failure.

"Why was I not good enough?"

"Should I have added more dynamics there?"

"Maybe I should have had better articulation right there."

It was only because of her family and flute teacher's continued support that Cecilia realized this audition could be used to help her improve. At first, she reluctantly agreed that she had mastered certain passages, but soon enough, Cecilia regained her confidence and began to work harder to improve. She told herself, "I will try again next year and will hopefully be good enough to get into the orchestra."

Cecilia finally motivated herself and made many improvements. But she still faced two more years of rejection. This discouraged her. All her efforts to improve her technique, tone, and musicality seemed fruitless. She did not understand why the judges had rejected her three consecutive years. She thought she was comparable to the other flutists in the practice rooms, if not better than many of them, and wondered if any of them had been accepted into the orchestra. Cecilia had almost given up her dreams of playing in an orchestra, but resolved to try a final time.

This audition worried Cecilia more than any of the previous tries. She began to doubt herself and wondered if this time would be just another waste of an audition fee.

"Are you sure you want to do this again?”asked her mother. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"I'm going to do this. I'm going to get in," responded Cecilia.

This was her last chance to prove she was good enough to get into the group. It would be the last time she would audition if rejected again. Cecilia knew she would either distinguish herself from the other flutists by playing as best as she could or deal with another rejection. It was up to her, and she resolved this would be the year she would finally accomplish her goal.
*****

New judges, a blank slate; time to start fresh again. Cecilia walked into the audition room, anxious, yet hopeful. She did not let nerves overpower her. After taking a few deep breaths, she began to play. Cecilia imagined herself performing at Carnegie Hall in front of hundreds of people. She was a bird, soaring through the sky as she made a crescendo with the string of ascending notes. She flew away from danger as the pace quickened and got more frantic. It only seemed like a few seconds before the judge stopped her and asked her to move onto sight-reading.

Time seemed to pass like a dream. Cecilia hardly remembered what transpired in the audition room, but left with a feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment like she had never felt before. All she had to do now was wait, but the wait was finally worth it. Cecilia received the email stating that she had been accepted into the Symphony Orchestra. A wave of relief washed over her, and she could not have been happier. She was proud of her accomplishment, and it felt as if the weight of a mountain had been lifted off of her shoulders. Her endless hours of practice paid off, and Cecilia finally began the next stage of her musical journey.

For the next two years, Cecilia continued to place in the top youth orchestra, Symphony, then Philharmonic. As her confidence grew, so did her passion for music. No longer did she agonize over technique and finger dexterity, mainly because she had mastered them, but she again grew to love and appreciate music for its blend of notes, sounds, and rhythms. She again fell in love with its dynamic changes and development. Her inner passion surfaced once again and rekindled her appreciation for music. Cecilia was reminded of the pieces she had loved so long ago, and as she listened to the soaring voice of the flute in Daphnis et Chloe, she was mesmerized once again.