“Vanessa Ann Tanner! People are coming over in ten minutes and you need to look presentable!” Dad shrieks from the bottom of the staircase.
“I’ll be down in a second Dad.” I yell back. I sigh, pushing my hands through my long brown hair. I can’t do this, I think. I can’t do this. Walking back to my room, I slam the door. The picture of my mom and I on my bedside table stands out to me. That was taken about 7 years ago, at my 6th birthday party. I was in my yellow dress; it was like Belle’s from “Beauty and the Beast”. The two of us were standing in front of my birthday cake and I was blowing out the 7 candles. Mom would always insist on an extra one for good luck. I fling the doors of my closet open as I try to find a dress that Dad would deem “presentable”. My eyes close in on my favorite yellow sundress. I guess you could say I had a thing for the color. Quickly, I change into the dress, grab a pair of sandals and sunglasses, and sprint down the stairs.
Mom. I miss her so much. It isn’t fair that she is gone. The worst part is that I couldn’t even say goodbye. Come on Vanessa, now isn’t the time to be upset, my conscious scolds me. Oh but it is, I retort back. This of all days was the perfect day to be reminded of Mom’s passing, because today was the day that Dad and Susan were celebrating their engagement. From here on out, her presence would just remind me of the empty hole in my heart that only my mom could fill. Nobody could ever replace her. It would forever be my mission to make sure that her memory lives on.
I walk through the kitchen and step outside onto the patio which had a great view of the backyard. There was the pool, the firepit, and right smack in the center, a giant party tent that was starting to fill up with guests. In the distance, I could see the path to the lake that I would go to with Mom when I was little. I try to walk through the grass with my sandals, but they just gave me an extra obstacle that I absolutely didn’t need today. My fingers find the clasp and I take off my shoes, daintily placing them on the stairs next to a pot of flowers. Mom loved flowers I think absentmindedly.
Looking at the tent, I see my family starting to arrive. My cousins Amanda, Jessica, Robby, Conor, Liam, Sean, and Molly are all chatting and goofing around. Grandma and Grandpa Tanner are talking with Susan’s parents about something that gets them all excited. Before I rush back to the tent, I take a deep breath. I can do this, I think. I can do this. After ten seconds of silence, I make my way over to Dad.
“Vanessa!” Dad calls, beckoning me over to him and Susan. I give him a hug, but I only smile at Susan. That is as much affection she will ever get from me.
“Oh Vanessa honey, I’m so glad you could join us.” Susan says with a smile that makes its way up to her eyes. Honey? Really? I feel the sudden urge to roll my eyes at her, but of course I couldn’t. Not unless I want to start a whole fiasco that Dad has to clean up with constant “You know how she gets” or even worse “I love you, and so does she. Just give her some time”. That was the thing. There was no amount of time in this world that would make me open up to Susan. Let alone love her.
I don’t hate Susan. She is actually a very nice lady, and I’m pretty sure that under different circumstances I would’ve enjoyed her company. Susan genuinely cares and it is a shame that I can’t let her know that her efforts don’t go by un-noticed. It’s just that... she just doesn’t seem to get that I do not want a mother figure in my life that isn’t my mother.

Sometimes though, I think Dad is a snake. How could he betray Mom? I can remember countless times where I would hear my Dad utter three little words, 8 measly letters that were I love you. Where was his devotion? It’s mean of me to say this, but sometimes I get so angry! I know that he sometimes cries out in his sleep, screaming for his beloved Laura. Begging for her to stay and to not leave him.
“Yeah,” I say, attempting to sound enthusiastic. “Everything turned out really nice.” That wasn’t a lie, the place was beautiful. Little lanterns were lit and hanging all around the perimeter of the tent. They looked like glowing stars from a distance. But, like everything tonight, it had its flaws. Pictures of Dad and Susan were all around. Pictures of them smiling, of them holding hands. I was in some, but in every one, even a stranger could tell that something was wrong with my facial expression. The thing that hurt the most though was that there wasn’t a single one of Mom. The atmosphere was completely bittersweet.
I am dragged out of my current train of thought as the shrieking sound of the microphone silences the room. “Friends and family, thank you all for coming out tonight to celebrate with us,” Dad starts, captivating the audience. “As many of you know, my wife of 10 years, Laura, died in a car crash 6 years ago. Her disappearance from this world has and always will crush me. Yet, I’ve been fortunate to find someone else. Susan, you help me get through my moments of pain and I’m so thankful that I have been able to find someone else to spend my life with. My daughter and I-”
I drop the glass of water that I was holding in my hand. It shatters into a thousand tiny pieces, just like my heart. Everyone turns toward me with concerned faces. The exact same facial expression that I had received on the day of Mom’s funeral. I have two options. 1: stay and apologize, smile, and act like my Dad’s little angel. Or 2: Run. Therefore, I choose the option that makes the most sense to me. I run.
I run past the fire pit. I run past the pool. I run quickly. My feet are pulling me towards the worn dirt path and I just let them. There was no stopping me from reaching my destination. Keep on going, my mind reassures me. Don’t look back. If by chance I had, I would’ve seen the shocked and disappointed face of my dad. I couldn’t bear to see him like that, so I persevere on.
I break down sobbing after I reach the lake. Memories flash before my eyes as I look around the area. “Why?!” I scream up to the sky, where I knew Mom would be watching me. “Why did you have to leave me?” My breaths soon become shorter and quicker, and before I know it I’m hyperventilating.
Looking around the lake, I see a four-year-old me feeding the ducks with bread that Mom was handing me. Then I see myself at six, learning how to ride my pink “Barbie” bike. There is Mom and Dad sitting on the park bench while I rope swing in the water. My favorite thing that I see though are the fireflies that are just starting to come out.
The now darkening sky lightens up where the fireflies spark. Mom respected the creatures. The last memory that my mind conjures is the the last one that I had of her. “No matter how big you ever get, you’re always going to be my little girl,” she said. As the sky began to darken, the fireflies came out and started blinking rapidly. They were creating a light show for us and only us. She loved the fireflies. Mom would always be amazed at the way that they would light up. After she died, she passed that same wonder onto me.
That was my happiest memory of my mom. The next day, she went out for groceries and never came back. One hour passed, and then two. The list was only for milk, cheese, and bread. How could going out to get milk take 3 hours?
Then, Dad got the call. I had to search the entire house until I found him. Dad was leaning against the wall, bawling his eyes out. Then, he saw me and the world as I knew it shattered. I was suddenly pulled into his arms and told that everything was going to be okay. That it was now us against the world, and we were going to be okay. I believed him too. Mom was kind-hearted and never wished pain upon anybody. Mom was full of life, caring, and understanding. She never wanted anyone to be upset or lonely.
That’s when I know that I had to let Dad be happy. Because that is what Mom would’ve wanted. Suddenly, the fireflies come out to put on a light show. They only confirm what I know in my heart. This was Mom’s confirmation that she was okay, that she was happy, and that she was with me. This was her giving her approval of what Dad was doing, and I knew it. Mom was telling me that it was now time for me to give my approval as well. So, I put on my sunglasses, looked out over the lake, and my life was never the same again.